I’ve long thought that the English language was lacking in its ability to describe love. As a teacher of yoga and meditation, I sometimes teach on “metta” which is usually translated as “loving kindness”. The only problem is that, generally, the word “love” in English is inseparable from concepts of romance and sexuality; metta has nothing to do with this.
Briefly, metta is an acknowledgement of interconnectedness. If I feel metta for you, then I am happy when you are happy, feel sad when you are sad, and as a consequence wish the same for you as I would for myself. Is there a simple way to express this in English? Especially towards a single individual?
In some places, with some people, I can tell a friend or family member that I love them and it’s understood this way. But in many other cases, if I use the word love, it’s understood to be romantic/sexual. I think that, as a culture, we have trouble distinguishing the concept of love-in-and-of-itself.
Over dinner, I was talking about this with a Turkish friend. In Turkish, they have one word for, as she described it, “passionate” love and another word that can be used with friends and family in general. So they have it figured out I guess.
I often idealize how the Argentine Tango can (sometimes) isolate love and intimacy from sex and romance, but it seems that the Spanish language doesn’t do a very good job. I’m still a student of the language, so please correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems “amar” (to love), querer (to want), and gustar (to like or be pleased by) all have sexual connotations when used on a person. The only way I know of to express that you like a person outside of this is “caer bien con” (to get along with).
On the other hand “un beso” (a kiss) or “un abrazo” (a hug) are common ways to sign off an e-mail, so physical demonstrations of non-sexual affection are easy to express.
So to what extent is a culture’s perspective on love and connectedness coloured by language? I wouldn’t say that I know enough to make any conclusions here. I’d love to hear your ideas.
And I have nothing against sex and romance. I just want to be able to express love independently of them.
I think the word "love" in English has become more sexual over time. If you read old literature or books, they express love for one another much more freely, and seem more willing to accept it in the manner you describe. Perhaps it is not only language then, but a mix of language and the culture at the time used. Perhaps English will evolve, and a word will be invented to fill this need that at one time did not exist.
ReplyDeleteYou are right that "amar," "querer" and "gustar de" (not just "gustar") all have sexual connotations. They also can be used in non-sexual contexts (just as in English, "I love my child"). However, there is another phrase that might interest you. It has gone out of fashion in Spanish, but it is very current in Italian. It is "querer bien" (volere bene) and it means that you wish good things for that person because you love them in a selfless manner.
ReplyDeleteMy experience with English is that, my non-native friends use the word "love" more freely than native speakers and they often use it in a non-sexual way (particularly signing messages).
Some times, we are the ones stopping ourselves from saying or doing something because we are afraid of what someone else might think.
All of that said, the world definitively needs a bit more people who care and want the happiness of others.